FACT: People love lists, consistency and alliteration.
With that in mind, I bring you the third edition of “Top 5 Friday”; a weekly (or bi-weekly, if I’m being honest) list of dork topics, random thoughts and balderdash.
Kids today. They don’t play outside, they have no imagination, and they can’t stand the thought of being without their smartphones for even a second. Luckily, Rogue Hippo is here to tell the Millennials exactly what’s wrong with them…
Their adventure movies are garbage! Yes, the answer is that simple! I know the world has already written off Millennials as a lost cause; but, honestly, what else could we expect from a generation whose #1 media influence is pewdiepie? (you’re welcome for the clicks, pewdiepie) If we could just convince them to watch some good, 80’s adventure movies, I think Millennials can be salvaged.
With that in mind, today’s list features the Top 5 Movies That Fueled My Sense of Adventure:
#5- Flight of the Navigator (1986)
WHAT I REMEMBER OF THE PLOT (It’s been awhile since I’ve watched this movie, and I know I could just google the plot, but it’s more fun for me to go completely off of memory.)- A young boy vanishes after a picnic… or so everyone thinks! It turns out he has unintentionally traveled to the future where he must evade the government, pilot a talking spaceship (voiced by Pee-Wee Herman!) and find his way back to his own time!
I can’t remember if this was a big hit or not. It’s a Disney film so it should’ve had a lot of clout behind it; but when was the last time you heard anyone mention Flight of the Navigator? Probably never. Anyway, it’s the most kid-friendly movie on my list so this is a good movie to watch with young children. I remember some cool spaceship and time-travel special effects that probably look dated by today’s standards; but I used to love this movie.
#4- The Last Starfighter (1984)
WHAT I REMEMBER OF THE PLOT– A teenage boy dominates his local space-shooter arcade game… which turns out to be a recruiting tool to find the very best Starfighter pilots in the galaxy! Suddenly, he is forced to join the resistance, and put his real-life Starfighter skills to the test, as he attempts to save the galaxy from… from… I forgot the name of the bad guys 😦 Gorn? Zorn? Xorn? I don’t know; but they’re really evil!
Hell yea! As a lover of video games, sci-fi and epic adventures, you know I was forever inspired by this movie! I’m serious! Even as an adult, sometimes when I play a video game, there’s a little voice in the back of my head that wonders “Is this game actually a recruiting tool for some secret organization that is attempting to save the universe?” Alas, I have yet to be recruited by anyone.
#3- The Goonies (1985)
PLOT- A group of young friends must overcome bullies, bandits and booby-traps as they hunt for One-Eyed Willy’s secret treasure!
This movie could single-handedly save Millennials. It’s got action, comedy, romance, fun characters, great quotes, and it’s the most realistic movie on this list (we all know that Millennials struggle with imagination so the other movies may be hard for them to comprehend). If you, or a loved one, knows a Millennial who is on the verge of becoming a half-human, half-smartphone cyborg, schedule an intervention today and watch The Goonies. It could literally save their life.
#2- Indiana Jones and the (Entire Trilogy)
PLOT– “Fortune and glory, kid. Fortune and glory.” Need I say more?
How many archaeology graduates were disappointed by their careers thanks to Indiana Jones? Many, I’m sure; and I was nearly one of them. Imagine my utter disappointment on graduation day as I walked down the procession, eagerly anticipating my ceremonial fedora and bullwhip, only to be given and small trowel and brush to be used while gently removing silt from fragile artifacts. That’s not archaeology! Our graduates are dangerously unprepared for avoiding snakes, dodging booby-traps and punching Nazis; and I condemn the entire collegiate system for failing to meet the standards set by Indiana Jones!
#1- Willow (1988)
PLOT– Willow discovers an abandoned baby girl and attempts to find her a new home. Sounds easy, right? Not when Trolls, Brownies, Pig-Dog-things, skull warriors, curses, a two-headed dragon and an evil queen stand in the way!
How much do I love Willow? I named my cat Locothrock; and as we all know, Locothrock is the second word in the magic spell that the High Aldwin uses to turn a stone into a bird:
That’s some 1337-level nerd trivia right there! Mad props to anyone who actually knew the origin of Locothrock.
What else does Willow have going for it:
- Madmartigan is the greatest character ever! EVAR! When I was a child I wanted to grow up to be Madmartigan.
- Willow inspired this awesome website; whose mere existence restores my faith in humanity. Fuck Yeah Willow! The world would be a better place if we adopted that as our daily mantra.
- Willow gave the titular role to a little-person. I’m sure it wasn’t easy for Warwick Davis to get acting gigs outside of the Leprechaun franchise. Way to break down barriers Willow!
- My brother’s friend looked exactly like Willow’s son, Ranon; and it always made me feel like I was hanging with Willow’s family. Honestly, I’m not even sure if this is a picture of Ranon or my brother’s friend:
I could go on and on; but you need to just stop reading this and watch Willow! I took a poll at work and a disturbingly high number of people had never even seen Willow. I can understand the hesitation, the 80’s had plenty of bad fantasy movies with cheesy acting and poor special effects; but Willow not only avoids those flaws, it excels in those areas. I promise you won’t be disappointed; and the next time you go for a walk with your child and he, or she, picks up a stick and says “I’m Madmartigan”, you’ll know things are still good in this world as you smile to yourself and think ‘Fuck Yeah Willow!’
Well, there you have it. There are a lot of other really good adventure movies from my youth but these just happened to be the ones that I obsessively watched during my formative days. Feel free to comment below or on Twitter @Rogue_Hippo.
Until Next Time,