Rogue Hippo’s Review Score: 5

It’s hard to screw up a movie about a giant shark.  Movie-goers are willing to forgo quality acting and writing for some good old-fashioned shark carnage.  Somehow, The Meg failed to deliver even that.

As always, I like to start you off with the trailer:

Like I mentioned in the introduction, after a trailer like that, I expect mediocre acting, a mediocre script and some sweet shark action.  Here’s what The Meg delivered:

ACTING 4/10

It’s bad.  Jason Statham plays the same character he’s played in every other movie he’s ever been in… and he nails it.  Everyone else is forgettable.  I literally can’t remember the other characters from the film.  I think there was an evil corporate guy who was supposed to be a poor man’s Carter Burke from Aliens but he wasn’t even that unlikable.

Burke
No one out-Burke’s Carter Burke

SCRIPT 3/10

The dialogue and plot are awful: The world’s greatest deep sea rescue-diver (Statham) is deemed mentally unstable after reporting an encounter with an unknown monstrosity from the ocean’s depths; but he has a chance for redemption when an underwater research expedition encounters a similar monst… ugh, I can’t even finish describing this generic, hackneyed plot.  Now imagine dialogue that’s just as stale and you’re prepared to watch The Meg.

SHARK CARNAGE 5/10

Seriously, how do you screw this up in a shark movie?  This is all the audience really wants to see.  I’ll take some of the blame for not noticing that The Meg is rated PG-13 but Jaws somehow managed to do more with inferior technology and it was only rated PG.  (***Spoiler Alert***)  There’s a scene where the megalodon reaches a crowded beach, and instead of feasting on unwary swimmers, it gets caught on the anchor chain of raft and just pulls them around the ocean for awhile.  Terrifying!  Even worse, for the first half of the movie, the megalodon isn’t even visible.  We’re supposed to believe that it’s wreaking havoc on various submarines and water vessels as the occupants bounce around like the crew the of the Enterprise during a Klingon attack:

Even when the megalodon finally reveals itself to the audience, it’s a nuisance at best.  It chases some speed boats.  It chomps on indestructible shark cages containing mediocre actors.  It even manages to catch a couple of people; but I didn’t care by that point.  I was completely bored.


In conclusion, don’t waste your time on The Meg.  I can barely even recommend watching it should The Meg make an appearance on Netflix.  It’s a giant shark movie that fails to deliver many good giant shark moments.  Pass.

Until Next Time,

Rogue Hippo

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